The Divorce Crisis in America: Don’t Join The Statistics According to the American Psychological Association, about 40% - 50% of marriages in America end in divorce.
Why are the numbers soo high?
First, let me speak to my dear single women briefly: before you get married, be prepared. Love the woman that you are. Be happy with your situation and life. Don’t seek a partner to fill a void in your life. Enter Matrimony at a time when you feel whole. Seek a husband that you will amplify each other and grow together in all aspects to include spiritually. Not someone who you depend on to make you happy or complete you. You should already be happy. Don’t be afraid to ask the right questions about finances, sex, raising kids, number of kids, family, religious preferences and more. Most importantly don’t shy away from communicating what you desire in a husband and marriage upfront.
Now that we have that out of the way, let’s go back to the foundation of marriage. Different people enter into marriages for different reasons, to include the mare idea of being a wife or husband. The reality is that Holy Matrimony is a ministry, not just a tittle. It is a commitment of honor, trust, respect and unconditional love. If people approach marriage as such, then divorce will not be an issue of existence. Most men want honor, respect and sex. Women on the other hand want to be loved and protected. This is supported biblically in the book of Ephesians 5: 22-33 as Apostle Paul speaks to wives to submit to their husbands in the same way Christ submitted to the church and also respect their husbands. The book of Ephesians also directs men to love their wives as Christ loved the church. It also defines the order and hierarchy in a home – God, Husband, wife, and children.
It is equally important to note that it is impossible for a woman to completely submit to a man she doesn’t trust. And without trust, the other aspects of respect, submission and honor becomes an issue. This goes back to the importance of marrying for the right reasons, marrying the right partner and treating marriage as a ministry. While many focus on getting married and purchasing a dream house, the focus should be on building a home.
I believe if we implement the right biblical order and structure in our homes, and also foster respect, honor and unconditional love for one another, we will continuously find ways to evolve together, understand our spouse’s love languages, communicate effectively, overcome challenges and build the families and marriages God designed for us, and the homes and memories we desire for ourselves aligning with God’s plan. Divorce will not be one of the options.
Sex and finances are also a huge contributor to the divorce rates in America; but effectively communicating and putting God at the center of your marriage is key.
All of that being said, while i don’t advocate for divorce, if you are already in a marriage that no longer serves you, by all means please take all the necessary legal steps needed to get out of a life threatening marriage.
Cheers to building homes (and not houses), lasting memories, putting God first, having solid foundations and timeless marriages of honor, trust, respect and unconditional love.
Linda Arrey Nkwenti
Author. Speaker. Certified Life and Leadership Coach.
November 3, 2018 @ 5:58 pm
This is well articulated Linda. “A happy marriage”, is an institution that is so dear to me. I don’t see it any other way. Think of a day when you had a heated argument with a friend, partner etc. Think about how you felt, how troubled you were, maybe just for one day. Can you live like that most days of your life? Sounds appalling.
Putting God first allows us to forgive easily. Forgiveness to me is key. As long we don’t find ourselves forgiving for the same thing over and over again. We are all human and make errors, but when you honor, trust and respect, some errors should not become a habit. Having a solid foundation should allow us to pick our battles.
It definitely helps when we find a partner that can support our dreams and aspirations. Sometimes, human nature lets us feel incompetent or incapable of achieving certain dreams, either bc: we now married a rich man or woman, have children, etc.
Sometimes, even when we feel like we have married Mr. or Mrs. Right? Things change in the course of the marriage. Reality kicks in. We need the grace of God to accept certain changes, need love to conquer those differences. We should always remember as a couple, we are 2 different people, there should be room for adjustment.
I believe alot of couples that go through a divorce, delayed in tackling their differences early enough, feared to seek counseling, or sometimes just mere pride. Refuse listening to Gods voice, or it wasn’t their foundation in the first place.
Divorce “sucks”. I have some close family members who have been through. It’s a nasty process emotionally, financially…
However, it was their way out of misery to finding happiness again. No one ever knows where the shoe pinches until you wear it.
In a marriage, both parties have to put in the work. It cannot be one sided. And yes, God should be the center of it all.
We are all a work in progress and can do better. Outside of seeking God, it also helps to seek expert advice when you both can’t handle it.
Thanks for bringing this up for discussion.